Gratitude for the Who’s and How’s
(I realize American Thanksgiving is next month, but I grew up abroad and sometimes I’m just not a “good American”, and this is a month when I am feeling gratitude more prominently, so just bear with me.)
The last few months have been busier than I’d anticipated. My partner and I bought our first house and have spent the past month or so fixing unexpected, semi-extensive issues. Hopefully we’ll move in soon! I am sooo ready for cooler weather, shorter days, and (hopefully) a slower pace. I also feel very full of gratitude.
Ah, gratitude. That double-edged sword. I love it and I hate it.
In the past, I’ve tried keeping “gratitude journals”, but with only moderate success. One-Thousand-Gifts-style practices (as in, “#475 - dust dances in shafts of golden light”) often left me feeling A) like I was totally missing something (I’m not particularly poetic or flowery, so imitating Ann Voskamp felt like pretending) and B) guilty about having nice things others don’t have.
So I was really relieved when I read a suggestion for a different path.
In Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, Emily and Amelia Nagoski write that research suggests we ought to focus less on being grateful for the things we have (such as sunlight, pizza, or a good job). Instead, it’s actually more helpful to cultivate gratitude for the people in your life and for the way life has unfolded. By shifting our gratitude toward our relationships and the journey we’ve experienced, we can find deeper contentment and fulfillment in our everyday lives.
How that looks for me right now is that instead of simply saying, “I’m grateful I have a place to live” or “I’m grateful I live close to that awesome Thai restaurant,” (both of which are true, by the way), I’m saying:
I’m grateful for my partner putting in many, many hours of conversation and reflection with me about our individual and combined values and desires related to the basic-yet-complex issue of housing
I’m grateful for the friends who talked with me through my fears, baggage, and ick around home ownership, and who didn’t pressure me to make the same decisions as them
I’m grateful for the numerous friends we were able to call who talked us through various steps of diagnosing and fixing the issues we found in the house.
I’m grateful for the friends who offered their time, expertise and tools to help with the repairs.
The list goes on and on, and for me, this form of gratitude feels much better, richer, and fuller.
And yes, I’m grateful that (hopefully) soon I’ll live close to that awesome Thai restaurant.
Reflections:
What sensations do you feel right now in your body as you think about gratitude?
Who are you grateful for? If you’d like, you might write them a note or give them a call to tell them how they helped you and what they mean to you.
Write about a circumstance or event for which you feel grateful. Include details of what happened, who was involved, how you felt and feel now, and how this came to be.
Here’s a handout summing up these gratitude practices for those of you who like visuals.
Interested in how somatic therapy can help you deepen your gratitude practice? Contact me to set up a consultation or 90 minute session!
